Have it all with a fuck buddy!
More than "just" friends and less than a fully committed relationship, a fuck buddy to hook up with fills that gap when you want sex and an ongoing relationship... but not the whole nine yards. You may not want a full blown relationship but you still need to scratch that itch. That's where a fuck buddy as an alternative to one night stands comes in handy.
Finding your fuck buddy
A fuck buddy is just that – a friend who you also have sex with, a.k.a. a friend with benefits. It's an ideal arrangement for in between relationships (for your classic fling) or even instead of relationships if there's no place in your life for that now. It can also be a no-strings attached side relationship full of casual sex if you already have a Significant Other – someone who knows the deal and isn't going to make demands on you that you can't fulfill. You can focus on the sex and each other's pleasure – experiment and go wild in a way where you don’t have to worry about consequences to the rest of the relationship... because there isn't one.
You can confess your deepest desires and fantasies or find someone specifically into your special kink – that one you can't seem to get from anyone else. It's the best of casual sex without the security concerns. It's safe – casual sex from a trusted partner – what could be better? It's much safer than the dating scene or one night stands, and more reliable too because you know just what you're getting. It's good for both of you and the moment it isn't it can end just like that without any recriminations.
Your sex life can really reach the stratosphere in this kind of arrangement – as long as you both can handle the casual nature of it over the long haul there's no reason why it can't continue indefinitely. So where do you find the ideal fuck buddy? Here are some ideas to think about:
- Existing friends and acquaintances – on one hand, it may seem easier to hook up with someone outside your usual social circle to avoid social awkwardness (like what do you do when he/she shows up with someone else at a party? Do they know? Is that another fuck buddy or the boyfriend/girlfriend..? Do you say hello or pretend to look the other way?) but on the other hand, an ongoing fuck buddy relationship really does need to be with the right person – someone you know is stable, not likely to get flakey on you – someone you know won't secretly be after a relationship despite knowing the deal. Someone you work with may be a good choice. It can work well if it's a situation where you know enough about them to be able to say whether or not they're going to cause you problems down the road but you're not already too close socially to cause discomfort. Be prepared to casual date for a while until you find the right partner with the right chemistry for you.
- Websites and phone apps – there are so many of them out there to help you find the right person. The bonus is that you'll know they are there for the same reason as you. The drawback can be the usual online dating caveats: people who post false pictures and exaggerate on their profiles.
Keeping it cool
The trick with a fuck buddy relationship lies in keeping the balance. How much of the "buddy" part will you two incorporate? And will you really be able to handle it for the long term? The problem with a fuck buddy relationship is actually when it's too good. The sex is great, your partner has come to know your body well and how to make it happen for you, you have a great, friendly rapport going… it's only natural for some feelings to start to develop. If you really don't want that to happen, then you can mitigate the effect.
- Set the boundaries early and stick to them. Will you ever spend the night? If so, it's probably best to have a rule to leave right after breakfast. Otherwise, you'll spend the day together… go out to dinner… spend another night together and next thing you know, you're in a Relationship with a capital R. You may also consider casual socializing now and then – after all, what's a coffee or a drink just before or after the big deed? – but keep it limited and avoid meeting friends, family and so on.
- Just because it's casual, doesn't mean it has to be rude. Keep it civil and polite, and respect each other – including respecting each other's time. Just because it's casual, doesn't mean that you can pull a no-show without calling when something comes up and you can't make it to your weekly tryst.
- Do take precautions against both pregnancy and STDs. You want to keep things friendly and safeguard your own health.
- Be honest and let your fuck buddy know when it's over. There's nothing more annoying than to keep trying to get hold of someone and get the cold shoulder or be ghosted when there's no commitment there in the first place. What are you scared of? What's with the bull&%t? Just tell them it's over!
- Don’t overdo it. How much is too much – once a week? Twice a week? Only the two of you can decide how much is enough but if you're calling on them three or more times a week, that means you're thinking about them almost daily and at that point, you have to ask yourself – is this still a casual fuck buddy or am I getting obsessed?
When you handle it the right way, it can be the ideal situation for both of you. You just have to start. Happy hunting on our hot sex site!
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